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epistle log 2wo
introduction
well, i really should be doing a calc lab right now, but my printer is down and i couldn't therefore print out any work i DID do, so it'll have to wait. besides, i have so much to say and only till friday to say it, and it is midterm week, so i have to take advantage of what time i do have to create.
more formalities: "hi, i'm matt hubbs, how are you?" this may seem odd, but i'm always bad about perfunctory introductions until they are embarrassingly brought to my attention by others, like kevin, who pointed out to me that, while most of the people on this list know me and have been getting e-mail from me, not everyone can recognize "418593" as me (so sue me if my university is so orwelian to give us numerical addresses). so, to all of you still in the dark, never worry: who i am is not so important. and if you are a curious cat (and therefore a fatalist), be patient and soon the home page at the eLog site will have pertinent and superfluous information regarding me, the epistle logger (i thought that sounded very silly and therefore had to say it).
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now that THAT is out of the way, let us continue this story: (when we last saw our hero . . . .)
what can i say about last week? well, it turned out to be very very taxing, but it had its merits. first, i found my coffee house in cincy (something that had been missing from my life) and that is a story in and of itself. so i'll tell it:
well, mom calls, had been talking to ray rizzo and he was going to be in town with the java men (the most amazing jazz trio i've had the pleasure of seeing) at kaldi's. straight. so, even though my ride backed out on me, i ended up there with a scad of people, including a closet emo fan who wears a shell of punk, my puck rock roommate and his punkish girlfriend and her ex-hippie best friend, a classics major who translated greek while there, and a business major who has an affinity for jazz (aaron matt sarah erin luke brandon). an eclectic group but fun was had by all.
let me sum up how great the night was: i had a VERY VERY good pot of darjeeling (with lemon, the best way to drink black tea), a hummus/veggie platter (i'd been craving greek food for months) and finished the night with the smoothest cafe mocha i've EVER tasted. it was golden, and i was floating. all this over the somewhat obtrusive backdrop of the java men (they were on, man. what else can i say?). ray took 20 minutes or so of the break to sit and chat with me. he is quite possibly the nicest guy in the world, and i enjoyed seeing him and actually talking to him for the first time in a while. after the break they began the second set with 2 requests from our group (both amazing pieces with stunning solos that left all chins on the ground).
it was the perfect night: good food, good tea, good coffee, good friends, damn good music, great atmosphere (the guy to the left of us rolled his own cigarettes and skipped out on his tab with a half crazed glare that comes from reading to much beat), and i came back with a caffeine buzz, which is a feat for me considering caffeine usually works as a sedative for me rather than a stimulant. i was going to write a log that night, but things happened, you know? i think i slept. i was a happy boy.
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but, that was about the only good from last week: lots of work and lots of everyone else's problems then the weekend and immediate problems that i tried to ignore and they got bigger and then distance again and trying to let go of things i don't need. it's so hard to let go of someone who thinks they need you when you know that you can't help them except by leaving. (i understand the irony of me making this statement, but hey: i'm learning as i go along). (so shut up).
then it was sunday and i had to write a paper i had an extension for and i tried so hard to start all day but emotions boiled and clouded my ability to focus (i've decided that i'm probably both dyslexic AND add, but manage to pass it off as creativity and thus am screwed for life.) (fun game, no?). so, i went and took a nap at 1 to clear my head (bad idea) and laid there, in a ball, clutching a pillow, eyes closed tightly, as if by some amazing feat of will i could make what i wanted (¿what i needed?) appear. alack, no one joined me but fitful sleep. so i wake up at two realizing that nothing had changed except that now it is 2am instead of 1am and thus desperation and panic kick in, and so i can slip beneath this emotional turmoil and rub that nose raw on the grindstone. unfortunately i sacrificed a night's worth of sleep for a paper when, as i finished, i realized that i had defeated the true purpose. kinda makes it hard to write an inspired conclusion when you realize that kinda thing, you know? listening to "achtung baby" and "under the pink" all night didn't help my emotional state much either (there are too many nuances and not enough voodoo in my life)
so yesterday i made it through my classes and then slept most of the day, then kicked around, doing some work, and not at all tired because of the sleep deficit and sudden influx of sleep: my body, like the rest of me, is easily confused. so i was up till 3 last night, then up at 7:30 and now it's fat tuesday and i have a pound and a half of work to be done after calc class today, but i'll probably nap a little and work some and not get to sleep at a good hour.
(did you notice that this ends the backstory and begins to tell of the present? i hope the present will be as captivating as the past seemed to be)
this is longish, i know, but i encapsulates the past 5 days or so fairly well, i think, considering i could have written an entry each night of last week and maybe two for each day of the weekend. instead of the true poetry of such an endeavor, time constraints have produced this distilled and seemingly less profound work. sorry. no, i'm not. the form of the eLog says as much as the content of it, so get over it.
02|24|98