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epistle log 3hree
about a girl
i met a girl. well, "met" is a strange term for strange times and strange people, all of which apply to me, but tonight is not the time for semantics or linguistics, so we'll leave it at that, shall we? regardless, there is this girl, see. those of you who know me know that anyone i know and talk about like this is not "just some girl," so i won't even play that game.
this girl makes me feel . . . how can i describe it? just to be near her is . . . completing. when i am with her, everything else fades away, this is not because she lets me run away from everything or hide from everything, nor does she protect me actively nor . . . . that is losing it's potency.
she becomes my everything. simply put, that is it: she becomes my everything. not an entire new life, but perhaps the essence of my life (¿life-ness?), what matters. next to her everything pales in comparison, everything is revealed to be merely trivial. life shrinks before her in insignificance: she is my everything.
this sounds so idyllic and inane and similar to things i ridicule in most others: love for me was complication and pain and sacrifice and a million other negative things that somehow magically combined to become the most glorious state of human existence. my past shows this, and then, with conviction, i lived this belief.
and then i "met" her. it's so simple: perfection, harmony, effortless coexistence. the true tao, or nature of zen, or whatever eastern religious term you chose to coin, it all comes down to one-ness, true being, completion: love.
love is also one of those tricky terms that i will not go into. needless to say, i love this girl. i know that is a very open ended statement that holds true for many many people in my life, but for her it's different. it's so simple and so true: the highest form of that statement, the identity of that equation.
yes, i met a girl. and i love her. it's not bono's or tori's voice crooning tonight that did this to me: it's her. so many complications in my life, so many webs of politics and emotions and covenants and memories, and yet this comes through, transcends all of this.
i met a girl.
i love a girl.
she is my everything.
and, yet, i cannot tell her.
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