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epistle log 16xteen
everything changes
"opened, uncovered . . ." the confrontation with her was the last thing to be done in the turning over of this page. this new me, so to speak, has struggled long in the chrysalis but is finally breaking free. free of myself, and free of everything that has burdened me in the past. i have accepted what i am and who i am, and frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn. life is, not was. and my life is now. which is not to say that i am in any fundamental way different, but things have changed. for the better, i think. ben seems to think so: we were chatting about this concept of a new me and he likes it. but i like it.
so, what is so different, you ask? it's the little things. like spending the day with the ever so elusive and enigmatic "eLog girl" and not really caring about what to say or do or not say or not do. i enjoyed my time with her, and am content to enjoy my time with her no matter where or when or under what pretense. i'm sick to death of worrying about that shit. what happens happens, but i'll be damned if i crucify myself again every day to make something happen. it's not worth it, and it's not right. there are some, uh, interesting situations surrounding me right now, and that is all they are to me: interesting. this summer looks to be very interesting indeed, and i plan to enjoy it immensely. but i will not, i will NOT worry about it. moderation is what i seek, and i think i may be finding it more and more as time passes.
life is mine
06|30|98