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epistle log 20enty 5ive
masonomics
this summer has been looked to with high expectation for a year now, ever since i decided that i would go to rome with dr. collela and the 6th floor kuhlman crew. unfortunately, i lost the race of "who can make $100 appear quickest," and so i remain stateside. next, i get my hopes up for a position as a research assistant helping good ol’ ahlgren research the spanish inquisition with a slant towards the trials of false mysticism. my philosophical and historical studies were to have helped me develop a hermeneutic approach that would lead to an objectivity that ahlgren was having difficulty finding. the price was right, the project interesting, and would have put me in cincy for the summer. but she decided to give the position to a girl in her class, a display of favoritism that made me almost wretch there on the spot, which would have been ungrateful, wouldn’t it have been? for a fleeting moment i even thought i had a chance to stay in cincy and work at the theatre, but even those plans could gang aglay, and did.
so i ended up at home, working for my uncle’s construction company, in the accounting department. yes, folks, you heard me correctly: i am an accountant’s assistant. i was hired for my knowledge of computers and networks, and was to help turn over their accounting software from a system that is as old as me to a new (and vastly inferior) NT system. ask me about it sometime if you care too, i have lots to say.
but, even this arrangement couldn’t seem to work as planned, as health and family reasons caused the treasurer of the company (my boss) to miss a lot of work. since he would be administering the system, he needed to at least be present as i initialized and arranged the new software. instead, i became an assistant to an assistant, helping with the daily chores of payroll and accounts receivable. to break up the monotony a little, i got to pack boxes, because the office is moving this summer. oh joy, oh rapture. i even took up a wrigley’s doublemint gum habit in hopes of doubling my pleasure, doubling my fun. unfortunately, doubling an infinitely small number only gives you another infinitely small number, and my two pack a day habit lead to no noticeable result.
while in my tenure as an accountant’s assistant, i’ve some across some very interesting names for companies. bayus evola was the first. bayus evola. they have a sign hanging at my little brother’s little league field. bayus evola. could you think of a more ominous name? but, luckily, the joke’s on us, for they are not masterminding planetary annihilation, but are mere architects. whew.
a week later i was filing statements, dray tickets and invoices in the paid files when i came across a folder simply titled "masonomics." now, for those of you who don’t know, i fear the masons and their damnable secrecy with every fiber in my body, and i almost lost my footing when i saw that file. i dared not peer inside, but quickly filed the rest of my documents and locked the cabinet.
i have no idea what that folder is, and have made no effort to inquire into its nature. i fear it to this day.
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