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epistle log 20enty
aporia
how can i study literary criticism with any sincerity when three of my classes are based on using incorrect or bastard forms of criticism to dissect texts which weren't even written in languages i speak? how do i deal with the duality, dichotomy, or dialectic that ensues? and how do i study people/movements/ideals that i find, on some or many levels, intrinsically wrong? as i pose these questions, am i admitting defeat to the absurdity of hegel's reality of contradiction? how can ultimate contradiction exist? how can it not? how can it not in a world in which i find perfection, completion, but can possess only it's absence? how do i live with the ultimate privation and still have hope? how do i know enough to hold on to the nothing i have? how is it that all the encounters with good things are notable only by their absence, prior but most importantly after? can anything exist alone? is everything interdependent, and if so how do we still see everything in a duality? why is three a magic number, and how do infinite monkeys type the unique works of shakespeare? and if they truly can, why don't we study monkeys more? if existence is infinite, doesn't that make everything meaningless? how can quality exist when infinity implies infinite replication, complete internal refraction? why am i fascinated by rail systems, when i've never traveled upon one? why does it seem to me that old trestle bridges will outlast even disposable diapers? why are there so many red eclipses in all the places she is not? why is jungle/dnb so good to listen to when driving at night? why are some people so innately good as to lend other people cars at a moment's notice? why do monoliths i despise by day stir my aesthetic spirit so easily at night with unnatural energy? how can extremism exist? why did people believe descartes? why are some people so petty? why does anyone think they are right? why do i assume these words carry an iota of the inflection i attempt to force into them? why are you reading all of this? why have i written this? how do we entrust everything to the simple absence or presence of electrons, when electrons have never stood still? how is everything made of mostly nothing? why isn't math the first philosophy? where in the dickens is this transcendent being? why does no one play the viola anymore? why are there eight basic notes? why is symmetry so important to continued existence? who thought of the opposable thumb? where would i be without electricity? why was eugene v debs never elected? why didn't regan die? why is north dakota the singular most powerful geographic entity in the world? why do i ask so many questions? why do i even bother with this?
why haven't i written in so damn long?
02|05|99